January 2024 8: Our FA Cup campaign is off and running, and we breeze past Wigan Athletic at their DW Stadium with some very average performances from our prima donnas – in fact, the only players fit to wear the shirt are still teenagers. 9: Whatever happened to Jesse Lingard… is not a phrase that you hear very often as, to be honest, few people care. Since his contract at Nottingham Forest ended at the end of last season, Lingard has been without a club. With proposed moves to West Ham United, Inter Miami and anybody in the Saudi League all seemingly falling through, Lingard even offered himself to Barcelona in a cunning attempt to make people think he wants to play football. A bit like when you’re signing on and they want to see evidence that you’re applying for jobs, so you show them your applications to GP surgeries, solicitors’ chambers and the circus, despite only two GCSEs and no coordination whatsoever. But when we say few care, there is one person who does, and when seeing an Instagram post of Lingard in a gym in Dubai, his old team-mate Paul Scholes sent him words of a frustrated friend who clearly feels Lingard is throwing his football life away, posting in response: “Are you just gonna fuck about in the gym or are you gonna play football?” Lingard, scorer of great and important goals for United, should reflect. 11: Jadon Sancho has left the building… but maybe only for a few months, as he returns on loan to Borussia Dortmund. If he wants to make a return, which, given his stand-off, would seem to suggest he has no interest in doing, his friend Rashford, who is on thin ice with fans already for seemingly not giving a fuck either, will clearly welcome him back, as when Sancho made a barbed comment towards United of “Good to be back on the pitch” it met with Rashford highlighting it with a “Yesirrrr” and a love heart emoji. He’s not in the business of making friends


Good People who were rabidly pro-Qatar and anti-SJR… now praising SJR. Decisive action and impressive work on the CEO front. The Traitors. Lots of shocks in AFCON. The “Prague Zoo” pub crawl. No United games for two weeks = no depression. Days getting longer. Douglas Bagley’s old-school Spurs and AC Milan photos on Twitter. Stick to Football pod. Slow Horses series three. Season five of Fargo. The cold snap for great winter mountaineering. A sleeping dog. Time spent doing little. The evenings are on the way back, slowly but surely. The club being geared up towards helping the team be successful on the pitch. Martial’s contract not being extended. Fans being engaged with face to face. Ham and pea soup. “Omar’s coming.” UWS podcasts continuing to evolve and be original.

Lots of exciting albums due out. Dealing with Rashford quickly.

Bad Betting on AFCON. Twitter being overrun by middle-aged thirst traps. Gym packed with New Year’s resolutions. Two weeks of awful United clickbait filling up the gap of no United games. One January home game. Icy pavements and gales. Away tickets — low odds of success. January. It lasts forever. The Middle East situation. A stain on humanity. Someone needs to beat them lot and also them lot soon, before the unmentionable starts getting mentioned again. The weather. From freezing to stormy with nothing in between. People who don’t lift their dog’s shit. Anything with Michelle Keegan in it. Watching a football team with no identity. Rashford making another error of judgement. The eye-watering amount the strategic review cost the club while the Glazers’ pockets got fatter. The prospect of no European football this season and potentially next.

The away end at Wigan. From the regulars on the Groundside forum of

Never spotted in the same room together: Pete Boyle and Omar Berrada.